The first things after the lock down! - Day #16 (9 April 2020) 21 day #Covid19 Lock down

Day #16 ( 9 April 2020)

The first things after the lock down!

What is the first thing you would want to do when the lock down is lifted?

Now that the lock down has gone through two weeks, and although the number of new Covid cases and deaths are not very assuring, there is quite a lot of discussions in the mainstream media, about whether the lock down would be lifted, or partially lifted or in a bad case situation, extended. It does looks like some regions will get a little relief, but most states, where the situation is grim will have to go through the tough time for some more weeks.

But, my question got quite some interesting responses.

“Go out, and eat food!” Many responded on this craving. “Aren’t you getting enough of it now?” “Yes, We are, different tasty things every day, but we still miss the restaurants!” Some earnest mothers frown! But the kids are especially desperate. They want to have their choice of things. Like this 16-year old who “has McDonald visit on top of the agenda!”, and this young man who wants a “Biriyani, dum style”. Some elders need that special thing! “KF Ultra may not be a bad choice”, replies a batch mate, an extreme case, possibly!

I heard from a number of women that they want to go out and eat, because they are tired making food everyday, in some cases three times, and keep it diverse so the family isn’t bored! A friend said that she would love to “sleep enough even during daytime...since the maid will be back to work.” Many women who began the lock down enthusiastically, cleaning up the homes, pulling out old stuff and disposing them, experimenting on diverse menu every day, even having menu-based challenges on social media, have got tired doing this. Many men and sometimes even the kids, have been helping, but it does remain a fact that the women felt overworked, especially when they were dependent on a maid or cook during normal times. But others who never preferred a maid, seem to be happy they got a lot of time. For the non working women, they are very happy, the family is all with them.

But the men seem to have a different idea of the freedom. Many of them want to just get out of the house. Some want to take a long drive, some miss the movies and so would see the first film that opens; the more nature loving, wants to go to the beach, or the park; they miss the weekly family walk in the Museum compound in Trivandrum and so on. Many parents want to take the family for an outing.

But there are also those cautious characters. They actually prefer to “continue to stay home, unless it’s urgent”. They would prefer to “allow the mad rush to settle”. Well justified, I suppose. It’s going to be worse than a mad rush, when the sluice gates open!

Then there are those families, where a daughter or a son or an elder member of the family is away and in some solitary state during the lock down. “I would visit my father in Delhi, I haven’t met him for a while. He is managing, without his helper”, the more worried say. Then there is this mother who wants to visit her daughter, and the one whose son is away, and have to get him back to town, and so on.

Children are surely missing a lot, as these are vacations, and they have been locked down inside. What would they plan? The first choice seems to be “Go out and eat!”, and the next in line is playing. Some of them have formal game schedules, which they are missing, and some are not able to go to their native homes, meet cousins, and play.

“We miss our friends and relatives”, many of my friends say. Some miss their colleagues in office, and one good friend said, “I miss my office; it’s only when we are denied this, do we realise the value of the office and the community that was”. She is happy staying at home, but wants to get back to office.

Meanwhile this Malayalee, living in an insecure Delhi, goes nostalgic and cries out “I want to come home!”. Then, there is this objective father, “My daughter would go to her college. My wife would probably go to her friend or her sister’s house. I would start my pending works”. Does it sound boring? No, he is being real!

Atleast two of my friends would actually go with a status quo. “I like this lock down. I don't feel like I am missing anything that much”, says this working lady, who could do a Work from Home. And there is also this one who says, “I think nothing much..now a days everyone is used to this life style”

We even had the pious one; She would “Make a thanks giving prayer to God”.

But a few are preparing for the change. “We should be prepared for the new normal”, they say. One of my batch mates shared a picture of the book he is reading. “The Minimalist Home” by Joshua Becker, which has a description like this “A Room-by-Room Guide to a Decluttered, refocussed Life”. The friend adds, “the process of lock down and this book will teach me how to live in future!”. Minimalism is definitely an idea we all should take a serious look at!

Now, what about those who have been worst hit by the lock down - the traders, the small enterprise, the farmers, workshop owners, workers, people in the construction sector and so on? I could only talk to a couple of them and they all seem to have just one answer “Get back to work!”. It’s nearly dark days for some of their families.

Now this one, I kept for the last.

The friend in Thrissur, who lives with her family – what would be the first thing she would do?

“Go to the Vadakkunnathan temple, spend time looking out on the Thekkinkaadu grounds. We are missing the routine visit”, she said. She, like most of the people in Thrissur, is missing the Thrissur Pooram, which has been cancelled this year. That for them is like losing something dear to their lives.

“One more thing”, she says, “Many women have also not been able to do facials, and they miss their beautician”. That is something I had no clue about, at all. She says, “I miss my eyebrow threading”. News to me! I also heard from one other good friend, that many do have the same issue, but have learnt some self-beautification tricks from the internet and so would probably come out of the lock down looking much better that when they got in!

In the end, the question turned to me. What’s the first thing I would like to do? One look at my face, and the answer is written there in more white than black!

“Visit the barber shop!”

“Stay at home” - the Ubuntu way - Day #5 (29 March 2020) - 21 day #Covid19 Lock down

Day #5 (29 March 2020)

“Stay at home” - the Ubuntu way

Atlast we are all back home, most of us atleast ! In the close circle of our father, mother, husband, wife, sons, daughters, grandchildren, our pets...and nobody else.

The maids have gone to their homes, the gardeners have been told not to come. The traditional home-delivery vegetable and fish vendors – the pushcart man, the woman with the basket of vegetables on her head, the fish-vendor man who comes in the carriage-auto ( we call them petti-auto), the fish-vendor woman, again with the basket of fish, all have gone home. The distinctive horns, bells, hoots, shouts, calls have all stopped. Missing are those mornings when they come and we haggle with them, poor people. Its not as if we don’t know that they live by it, but we all have our opinions made about each one of them. “That Mary!, everytime she gives us the worst fish she has, let her come tomorrow !”. It’s like that. We know they don’t always give us the best of their stuff, but there was always a tomorrow, for them, and for us.

The Covid19 killed it all, atleast for now, and we don’t know for how long. We have been following the statistics that speak of how many people, world over, has been affected with the disease. For the record, at this point it is 685,782 cases affected by the SARS-CoV2 virus, and a frightening 32,239 deaths. But how many have been affected by the lock down to contain the virus? Statistics say it is atleast 25% of global population, with the worst in India, China, US, France, UK, Italy, South Africa, Columbia, Spain and Argentina having been impacted with a full lock down or a partial lock down. Everybody has been asked to “Stay at Home”. Again, for how long, we don't know.

When my mother sent her maid away, she had this worried look. My mother assured her not to worry and that her salary will not be cut. She also gave her some money to tide over the crisis. After all both her sons and their family will not be paid, as they are contractual workers. Before leaving, the maid asked, “Amma, but who will make food for Nair sir ?”. Nair sir, was this neighbour, down the lane, who was old and alone, for whom she cooked everyday and cleaned the house. His son was in the US and the daughter in Canada, and he had lost his wife a few years ago. Five days back, the maid cooked food for a couple of days, packed it all into the fridge, and left. Because he lives in the city, my mother believes he would order food through one of those apps and survive. I do not know whether he regrets this condition or whether he misses a family. His only recreation, a walk up the lane and into the main road, some gossip with more of his peer, has all been stopped with the “Stay at Home” order. His children do call most days and ensure he is fine.

In the last few decades, since the 1980’s, there was this trend, atleast in the urban centres...when we pushed all our children into a globalised world or it took them all away from us. I remember my family also encouraging me to follow the peer, and go to some prospective land, at that time, the Middle-east or the USA. I remember that strange fear that caught me and how emphatically I resisted the prospect. I refused to leave home. They call it Xenophobia. I deny the accusation. Loneliness frightens me, living away from family is unthinkable. But wasn’t it natural ? Now, I see so many of my parent’s contemporaries live the lonely life. Some escape the solitary life with their attitude, many turn recluse.

The “Stay at Home” for close-knit loving families, with some assured salaries or good bank savings is re-connect time, with all the Covid19 induced cautions. For those without assured salaries, and are in some business or service sector that has to work everyday for the money to come in, there is some worry. But many are taking their time to be with the family and reconnect, sometimes with their disturbed relationships. After all, life in the past so many years has not been smooth, with never a moment off for love or care. As a friend who I spoke to said “Many of us haven’t even looked at each other as we used to, way back, when we started life together”. Its mending time for all of us.

But then there are families who are having a hellish time staying together, forced by the order of the lock down - “Stay at home”, is a scream on their heads. These are those whose lives took a dive down, and relationships have become irreparable. As an instance, here was a family whose friend spoke to me. He intervened as a psychiatrist. The father, mother and daughter don’t see eye to eye and the way they cope is to use the home, literally as a lodge, if you understand what I mean to say. Now, they are all at home, together, 24 hours and for 21 days. That is nightmare, but the friend of mine believes this is also an opportunity to start introspecting, relate with each other and mend. But then “they have three separate bedrooms, three mobile phones and their own worlds”. The three are waiting for the parole, literally, to get out of each other.

‘Ubuntu’ is now known to most of us. It has many meanings with the most often quoted being “I am, because you are”. Its an assertion of dependence as against independence, of cooperation as against the individual. We see a lot of Ubuntu in the tribal communities, and even in some farming communities and so less of it in modern developed ones. I believe modern developed societies are as human and need to relate to so many things around, and more so with their own kith and kin, in a deeply dependent manner. If Covid19 can make it happen, so be it !

“You are always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.”

- Richard Bach