Junk Food is a dangerous “normal”. It has to go! - Day #18 (11 April 2020) 21 day #Covid19 Lock down

Day #18 ( 11 April 2020)

Junk Food is a dangerous “normal”. It has to go!

I was reading some very foodie things! The virus is an all-round celebrity! It has got a lot of people to even write foodie things with it! Now, don’t get me wrong, I was not talking about eating the virus! Don’t be surprised, nowadays, you talk about any animal, even cockroaches, and some one in the crowd will come up with stories on how such-and-such a nation eats cockroaches and that they have a factory producing it, and so on. By the way, they could be right, and again, you guessed the nation right!

Stories related to food and the virus, or the lock down following the Covid19, were initially about how people rush to groceries and pick up ( ransack!) essential food items to stock for a long haul. It was quickly followed with all sorts of experts prescribing what kind of food is good and what is bad during a Covid attack; what the young, the old and the normal people should eat; what women should eat, so on and so forth. Then there was a series of articles and messages on how one can boost their immunity to defend against the virus with nutritional supplements, certain vitamin intake, and even detailed suggestions of vegetables, fruits, herbs and exercises, like yoga, that can help. And there was this weeks of discussion on immunity - herd immunity to be specific, that the British believed is their approach, but were shocked by the estimates of deaths that this can cause. But, for our case, yes, immunity was also discussed!

So, that brings us to the question – are we as a species, strong enough, bodily, to resist the Covid19 virus? Meaning, even if the virus infects us, will we survive by our strength or immunity? With the number of affected people in 210 nations and territories reaching 18,46, 833 and the number of deaths 1,13,883, inspite of all the medical systems overworking, we can never be sure!

We could always say that this virus is highly infectious and that there is a certain set of vulnerable population that is at a higher risk. That is the point I wish to make. This vulnerable population is a very very large number, one that we worked hard to create, over a century, perhaps. Let me explain.

WHO says that as on 2017, 1.9 billion adults were overweight and 650 million obese, globally. An estimated 41 million children preschool were overweight. High blood pressure, heart diseases, diabetes and certain types of cancers are attributed to overweight and obesity. Increased consumption of junk food – primarily high energy carbohydrate, fat, salt and sugar rich diets are the cause for most of them. ( https://www.who.int/features/factfiles/obesity/en/ ).

UNICEF in its 2019 report finds that around 200 million children under-five are either undernourished or overweight, while one-in-three globally - and almost two-thirds of children between the fragile ages of six months to two years - are not fed food that nurtures proper development. (https://news.un.org/en/story/2019/10/1049261 )

This is the “normal” that we have been living in for a very very long time. To bring us to this “normal” Governments, food technologists, the chemical and food industry, the large retail chains and consumers(we!) have invested billions of dollars, and today we have a few billion people in the vulnerable or high risk category with a health condition that may not resist the onslaught of a Covid19 like disease.

We have not only been “trained” to consume the junk that is produced but also been “trained” to bring up a generation specifically on this kind of food. One just needs to look back into your homes! So many of our young now do not know what natural, healthy food befitting human consumption actually is. The crisis is also that we have also been “trained” not to know or respond to the fact that while we consume this food, the industry that produces this may have impoverished large communities and denuded forests and natural ecosystems to produce the ingredients that go into the junk food – for instance soya, meat and palm oil. There could be many others. So, this “normal” of ours is about too much of the dirty, unhealthy kind of food for one large side of the population, and deprivation of adequate nutritious food for the other side of the population. Together taken, both the have’s and the have-not’s now form nearly half the world’s population, vulnerable, immunity compromised and waiting for a virus!

I believe we will come out of the Covid19 crisis in a few months time. The sufferings have been huge and costly. Economically we may take a long time to recover. Meanwhile, will we ever do anything with the learning?

In this case, it is about a simple, fundamental and the most essential act of Eating – and the fact that we must eat better than we did before we got into the Covid crisis.

The act and hence the policy around eating, that is about the individual, family and the society and eventually the nation and the world, should mean that we have enough for all of us. Equity is the word, and there must be Food justice – an assurance that nobody goes hungry. The policy should also be that such food is healthy, natural, safe and locally specific to the culture and the ecology of the region. This is one fundamental need that has been hugely compromised with food becoming standardised, manipulated to make it homogeneous, universally available and available all through the year, everywhere, industrially produced and globalised for all populations. Food has also been dangerously infused with chemicals, including pesticides used at various stages of its production.

And lastly, food is one of the biggest economic drivers. Starting from the farmers to a chain of other enterprises that bring the produce from the farm to the plate, in processed or raw form is a massive chain. But today, the farming community globally is facing a crisis of survival, unprecedented in history. This has also to change. The hands that feed the world cannot be let to die. Infact, they should be in the first line of people who will have to prosper in a changed world.

If we are to look at the collapse of the health of the world, then the industrial food production system is the No.1 culprit, and that has to go. It has to be replaced with a large shift to Community Food systems, large and small, bringing together the individual, the private and the public, that can cater to the real needs of a “post-normal” world.

Here it is interesting to note that even within states, we have different sects of people in different levels of a compromised immunity status. One needs to go beyond conventional reasons to look at,for instance, why the Blacks and the Hispanic populations across various Covid19 hit states in the US are having higher rates of deaths than the whites. In Chicago, more than 70% of the deaths related to the coronavirus were among black residents, though black residents make up only a third of the city’s population. In Michigan, black residents make up just 14% of the population, but over 40 percent of the Covid-19 deaths. (https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/11/opinion/coronavirus-poor-black-latino.html )

I am not directly attributing this to only junk food, but the fact that this population is addicted to junk food, and that this is cheaper and hence preferred is also matters that need further exploration. Similarly, in nations that still have some community food systems intact, have held on to the virus attack, inspite of poverty and lack of resources. The fact remains that in such populations, like in India, the local food systems are not as disrupted as in the cities of developed nations. Even in the major cities of India, we can see people having healthier diets. For example,green leafy vegetables are a daily staple among most of the residents of the Chennai city. But this is also changing with a changing preference among the youth.

Rajesh Krishnan, a bio-technologist turned organic paddy farmer and entrepreneur has an interesting take on this. He says, “We were always a foraging species. When the lock down hit us, I picked up a book that had compiled information about the herbs and edible green leafy vegetables found in our gardens and homesteads. I wanted to see which of them I can find around my home. I could identify and pick so many of them. Our elder farmers here know all of them by name, use, properties and the way to consume them. We are so rich in the diversity of our freely growing food and the knowledge of it as well.” A friend, Priyanka, had earlier helped us compile information about edible leafy vegetables that grow in paddy fields. She found more than 80 of them. Most of them are still consumed by the tribals and villagers in Wyanad, Kerala, making it a free, easy available source of nutrition. This could largely be true of most country side in India. This is the kind of food and knowledge that needs to be integrated into the present food basket. This is the kind that will give local food security and resilience, both at the society as well as at the individual level, even as we conserve our ecosystems.

With the sagacity that comes with farming, Rajesh added, “but modern man still forages; look at how he goes from supermarket to supermarket to pick up all that junk food, and today, we are foraging using the mobile and an app!”. Agreed, it’s the same fingers and hands, but are we making sure it is healthy food!

One thing is very clear, this “normal” into which the economic world will simply go back post-Covid is is too dangerous for humanity! Thousands of very sustainable models are growing up all over the world, that is demonstrating the possibility of a sustainable, resilient food system! The Community Food systems approach has a future and it just needs us now. We need not wait for the next virus or a disaster to adopt them into our homes and the society.

The first things after the lock down! - Day #16 (9 April 2020) 21 day #Covid19 Lock down

Day #16 ( 9 April 2020)

The first things after the lock down!

What is the first thing you would want to do when the lock down is lifted?

Now that the lock down has gone through two weeks, and although the number of new Covid cases and deaths are not very assuring, there is quite a lot of discussions in the mainstream media, about whether the lock down would be lifted, or partially lifted or in a bad case situation, extended. It does looks like some regions will get a little relief, but most states, where the situation is grim will have to go through the tough time for some more weeks.

But, my question got quite some interesting responses.

“Go out, and eat food!” Many responded on this craving. “Aren’t you getting enough of it now?” “Yes, We are, different tasty things every day, but we still miss the restaurants!” Some earnest mothers frown! But the kids are especially desperate. They want to have their choice of things. Like this 16-year old who “has McDonald visit on top of the agenda!”, and this young man who wants a “Biriyani, dum style”. Some elders need that special thing! “KF Ultra may not be a bad choice”, replies a batch mate, an extreme case, possibly!

I heard from a number of women that they want to go out and eat, because they are tired making food everyday, in some cases three times, and keep it diverse so the family isn’t bored! A friend said that she would love to “sleep enough even during daytime...since the maid will be back to work.” Many women who began the lock down enthusiastically, cleaning up the homes, pulling out old stuff and disposing them, experimenting on diverse menu every day, even having menu-based challenges on social media, have got tired doing this. Many men and sometimes even the kids, have been helping, but it does remain a fact that the women felt overworked, especially when they were dependent on a maid or cook during normal times. But others who never preferred a maid, seem to be happy they got a lot of time. For the non working women, they are very happy, the family is all with them.

But the men seem to have a different idea of the freedom. Many of them want to just get out of the house. Some want to take a long drive, some miss the movies and so would see the first film that opens; the more nature loving, wants to go to the beach, or the park; they miss the weekly family walk in the Museum compound in Trivandrum and so on. Many parents want to take the family for an outing.

But there are also those cautious characters. They actually prefer to “continue to stay home, unless it’s urgent”. They would prefer to “allow the mad rush to settle”. Well justified, I suppose. It’s going to be worse than a mad rush, when the sluice gates open!

Then there are those families, where a daughter or a son or an elder member of the family is away and in some solitary state during the lock down. “I would visit my father in Delhi, I haven’t met him for a while. He is managing, without his helper”, the more worried say. Then there is this mother who wants to visit her daughter, and the one whose son is away, and have to get him back to town, and so on.

Children are surely missing a lot, as these are vacations, and they have been locked down inside. What would they plan? The first choice seems to be “Go out and eat!”, and the next in line is playing. Some of them have formal game schedules, which they are missing, and some are not able to go to their native homes, meet cousins, and play.

“We miss our friends and relatives”, many of my friends say. Some miss their colleagues in office, and one good friend said, “I miss my office; it’s only when we are denied this, do we realise the value of the office and the community that was”. She is happy staying at home, but wants to get back to office.

Meanwhile this Malayalee, living in an insecure Delhi, goes nostalgic and cries out “I want to come home!”. Then, there is this objective father, “My daughter would go to her college. My wife would probably go to her friend or her sister’s house. I would start my pending works”. Does it sound boring? No, he is being real!

Atleast two of my friends would actually go with a status quo. “I like this lock down. I don't feel like I am missing anything that much”, says this working lady, who could do a Work from Home. And there is also this one who says, “I think nothing much..now a days everyone is used to this life style”

We even had the pious one; She would “Make a thanks giving prayer to God”.

But a few are preparing for the change. “We should be prepared for the new normal”, they say. One of my batch mates shared a picture of the book he is reading. “The Minimalist Home” by Joshua Becker, which has a description like this “A Room-by-Room Guide to a Decluttered, refocussed Life”. The friend adds, “the process of lock down and this book will teach me how to live in future!”. Minimalism is definitely an idea we all should take a serious look at!

Now, what about those who have been worst hit by the lock down - the traders, the small enterprise, the farmers, workshop owners, workers, people in the construction sector and so on? I could only talk to a couple of them and they all seem to have just one answer “Get back to work!”. It’s nearly dark days for some of their families.

Now this one, I kept for the last.

The friend in Thrissur, who lives with her family – what would be the first thing she would do?

“Go to the Vadakkunnathan temple, spend time looking out on the Thekkinkaadu grounds. We are missing the routine visit”, she said. She, like most of the people in Thrissur, is missing the Thrissur Pooram, which has been cancelled this year. That for them is like losing something dear to their lives.

“One more thing”, she says, “Many women have also not been able to do facials, and they miss their beautician”. That is something I had no clue about, at all. She says, “I miss my eyebrow threading”. News to me! I also heard from one other good friend, that many do have the same issue, but have learnt some self-beautification tricks from the internet and so would probably come out of the lock down looking much better that when they got in!

In the end, the question turned to me. What’s the first thing I would like to do? One look at my face, and the answer is written there in more white than black!

“Visit the barber shop!”

Locked down kids? - Day #14 (7 April 2020) 21 day #Covid19 Lock down

Day #14 (7April 2020)

Locked down kids?

Our kids are indoors in a corona virus lock down, or so it seems. It’s been two weeks now. If you are asking, “So, what?”, then here is the perceived problem. The parents and sometimes grand parents are also locked down along with them! Many are calling this the crisis! “Stay at Home”, the Covid-induced slogan has locked down an estimated 1.25 billion children across 124 nations, impacting almost three-quarters of all enrolled students from pre-primary to higher education world-wide.

Parents in millions of homes, across the globe are supposedly facing a never before situation of engaging their ever-demanding children, even as many of them are in various stages of their struggle to keep their jobs. The juggling between the demanding child at home and the demanding remote boss at the Work-at-Home, is driving some parents to insanity. While the parents of the majority of children, already facing loss of their livelihood, is in no position to engage with anybody, leave alone children! I am talking about the daily wage labourers, farm workers, the petty producers, small enterprise owners and workers, even the barbers in the village centre.

Newspapers, websites, social media are all full of advises to parents, teachers and even Govt officials as to how we can keep our children engaged with ‘fruitful’, ‘educative’ or ‘entertaining’ activities. Paediatricians, counsellors and parenting consultants are having their best of times, especially in the developed nations and urban centres, advising parents and children on adjusting to the changed situation. They are asking parents to “talk to their children” about the situation, “set up routines and schedules”, use this opportunity to “develop critical life skills”, get them to “sign up for online courses”, and encourage them “to develop hobbies” and so on.  

I grew inquisitive. I wanted to know what the kids of some of my good friends are doing. So, I called them up, spoke to their father or mother and even the kids. Without any prejudice, let me tell you what I heard, from some of them.

Achu has very mindful parents, both working, and living in Thiruvananthapuram. He is completing his 10^th standard. He also has a younger sister. The lock down also brought into their family, a grand father, whose full day schedule seems to be watching serials in various TV channels. The mother and father, have the luxury of Working from Home. What does he do? He had three more exams to get over before the lock down struck. So, he devotes couple of hours for the revision, some time for reading, and the larger part playing PUBG with friends online. He also watches downloaded movies on TV. But since his parents have a very sharp eye on him, they regulate him quite effectively. Does he get bored? “Yes”, he says, “at times”. His sister, a sprightly girl, with a shrewd smile is demanding on both Achu and parents. So, when I called up Achu, he was in the midst of setting up a tent for his sister at home. That sounded very engaging. His sister at other times is watching TV, but is in a non-stop competition with their grandfather for the remote control!

Arundathi is of the same age, in the same city, has working parents, and is very happy they are both caught on a “Stay at Home”. She and her brother, an Engineering student is all busy with whatever they can do. So, this ranges from watching TV, going online on social media, talking to friends, some reading, and so on. But the proud mother is also glad that they are both doing things that they like and probably good at. “She paints, and he claims he writes!, the mother told me. And the family is also trying to use the small patch of land they have in their compound to plant some vegetables. Over all, they are fine.

But Theju comes from a slightly different league. This 13 year old daughter of a well known painter-artist father, and a resourceful sharp mother, is sort of a great combination of the two. She has an elder brother who has just finished his 12^th exams, who is most of the time glued to the online, like most children of his age. They live in Bangalore, and they literally rushed out of the city at the right moment to get back to their home village in Kannur. Very diligently, they went on a 14 day self-quarantine, during which Theju was a restless animal. She had to keep off her best friend and relative Raaghu, who lives just 5 steps away on the same green, wooded homestead of more than an acre, and who is the primary reason for her coming to the village home. And she had to keep away from her for 14 days! Now that the quarantine days are over, the parents rarely see her. She comes home for “essential needs” only, which is food, bath and so on. The large ground is their play ground, and the two have such a lot of things to talk, share and play, that they are actually short of time. Very rarely are they seen inside the house. The mother was telling me, “I don’t know what these two girls have to talk so much; everyday looks like they had just met after years”. How many of us were like this when we were young? Infact, many of us, including me, even at this age, are like this.

Then here is a trio – Sachu, Ananthoo and Venu, all live in a family, that still has a good semblance of a joint family. They are 10 years, 11 years and 17 years old respectively. And their lock down is in their paternal home with quite a lot of open spaces and a homestead that is so much full of trees and plants, and they have so much for play and fun. So, its all the backyards, cricket, watching movies and like all children of their age, the mobile phones. The parents do have some unsaid aspirations, which does not seem to have any influence on the kids, during a lock down. After all, these are not holidays!

While we looked at multi-child cases, I thought we must look at one-child cases as well!.

Sidhu is 12, and lives with his parents in a 6^th floor of a flat complex in the city. A very bubbly boy, with only his father working in an IT firm. His father is glued into his laptop most part of the day and night, and life is the same otherwise. Sidhu has a dotting mother and the lock down according to the mother, seems to have made her his best friend. That sounded very transformative! So, there is food, games, and lots of informal study, which he does not seem to be complaining about. But he has an issue – all children in the community have stopped playing in the park, and are all locked up. He does not like that at all!

Ponnu is 9 and a single child of working parents. They live in the outskirts of Thiruvananthapuram. Her school was closed and just before the lock down was announced, her parents had taken her to her mother’s paternal home at Haripad. She loves spending days with her grandparents. Now she is stuck there or so the parents believe. Ponnu told me she is playing the whole day, with her grandmother. She then went on to tell me the games “kannukettikali ”, “sat”, “cycling”, “oonjaal”, “odikkali” and so on. She said she is on a holiday for two months. And she is eating some good food.

Now, comes Vani, again a single child in a farming family from Wyanad. She is 9 years old. Her father is a full time paddy farmer, and a very very busy character at that. He also runs a farmer producer company and quite busy socially as well. Her mother makes the home, but is also a wonderful maker of wooden artefacts. Her lock down day is not very different from any other holiday. The daily chores, where she joins her parents includes milking the cow, tending to the plants, helping in the harvest and so many other things that all family farms have. But she reads, watches movies and steals those rare moments to browse through the photos and videos in her mother’s mobile phone. Is she bored, I ask her. “Sometimes, yes”, she says, “when I ask my parents to play with me, and they don’t.”

After word :

It’s a beautiful world of children. Growing up is never boring. If they feel boredom, we probably haven’t taught them the bright side of “doing nothing”. And that is not their problem, it’s our problem.

Once is a while, “Do nothing!”. Happy Parenting!!

The Virus isn't fair to the old, neither are we ! - Day #9 (2 April 2020) - 21 day #Covid19 Lock down

Day #9 (2 April 2020)

“The Virus isn’t fair to the old, neither are we !”

I have a rather very difficult question to ask today.

How many of us will be taken care of by our children, when we get old ? Since I crossed 50, which could be described as the youth of the old age, it should not be surprising that I start to think about it. Years are outrunning us like never before ! As many parents of my generation, we have one child, the pragmatic ones have two, three is usually for doctrinal reasons or due to sheer accident ! More than that, and you are probably from a Jurassic era!

With just one child, I am wondering how, in a surely uncertain future, he will be able to look after us, when we grow old. My generation, the ones with parents who are in their 80’s, are going through an ordeal, which we never imagined would ever happen. Our parents, who brought us up as very caring and resourceful people, also never thought they would end up missing their children, or for that matter somebody, who could take care of them.

My friend’s father passed away last week, after a brief illness. He wasn’t doing very well for a few years. The friend, who was very close to his father, is settled in the US and their family could not make it to do his last rites. Fortunately, his sister works here. The restrictions due to Covid19 deprived him of seeing his fathers mortal remains. He used to come every year and sometimes twice to visit his father, especially in the last few years. We studied together in college, and I remember how dotting a father he was to my friend. But then those were times when many of our generation saw a new wave of opportunities, grew our aspirations, left this land, moved on to study, work and eventually settle down in various nations across the world – some in the US, some in Canada, Australia, UAE and so on. And in almost all the cases where my peers moved out, there was always a father who encouraged them to do so.

CKP (name changed!) is in his 80’s and so is his wife. Both of them were academicians of renown and had made their name as great teachers and mentors of thousands of students. After retirement he continued to teach students, training them for a professional career, and as one of his family members tell me – he encouraged so many of his students to pursue higher education, job and life abroad. They have two children, both doing very well and settled with their families in two different states in the US. As age caught up, he became almost bed ridden with serious multiple ailments and his wife suffers from the beginning stages of a serious illness. They come from a very illustrious and well to do family. Today, the only help they have is a maid who comes home to cook, wash, clean and generally take care of them. Both their children are very loving and are not at all happy leaving their parents to be orphaned like this. But they are literally helpless. Their job, the children’s education, the conveniences that life in a developed nation offers cannot be traded off so easily. Infact, even the father would not allow that to happen. But I heard that in some moments of despair, they regret having sent both of them abroad. “Have they said they regret it?”, I wanted to know. This relative of theirs said, “Yes, though they would never tell it to their children”. With the Covid19 lock down, the maid left and both of them are isolated and totally orphaned. And their loving children can do nothing about it !

What is my point ?

Covid19 seems to look like a game-changer.

For one, the disease is affecting more elderly people, the highest percentage being of people of 80 and above, followed by people between 70 and 80 years of age. Available statistics and analysis is showing us different numbers, but the trends are the same. There is fear in the air ! The World Health Organisation (WHO) and all medical advisories of nations have asked for complete isolation of the elderly. Older people are at higher risk for severe illness from COVID-19. They are also under severe stress due to fear and anxiety about the pandemic. The old, especially the orphaned are the worst victims of the Covid19 attack.

Covid19 is also a ruthless leveller. It has done more damage in some of the most developed nations, than in developing nations, and in the process, exposed the inadequacy and incompetency of the health and welfare systems in these nations. It has also exposed how abysmally disorganised are their societies, relationships and even the economy. It has suddenly made everybody vulnerable. I listened to families who were wanting to come back home because, all of a sudden, as a society, home seems to have more sense to be in, than in an economy that puts a price on everything, and anything, and still messes it all up.

It is 5 days since I saw my parents. We are also locked down here. They are just 10 kms away, and the roads are blocked, most time. I still managed to find a less charted route to reach them and ensure they are all fine. I would have to do that every 5 days at least. My father who has a heart problem, and my mother who is a cancer survivor needs us, especially at these times. I can imagine how torturous it is for those who are tens and thousands of kilometres away !

Now, to answer my difficult question – I would wish that every parent, when they get old, would have atleast a young one in the family, who could take care of them; someone who would decide to live with them or near them, and make a living out of whatever opportunities that are here, some one whose aspirations have a root in the homeland.

There are others who give us an alternative – Why not an old-age home or an assisted-living centre? I only have this to tell them -

“The Virus isn’t fair to the old, neither are we !”

“Stay at home” - the Ubuntu way - Day #5 (29 March 2020) - 21 day #Covid19 Lock down

Day #5 (29 March 2020)

“Stay at home” - the Ubuntu way

Atlast we are all back home, most of us atleast ! In the close circle of our father, mother, husband, wife, sons, daughters, grandchildren, our pets...and nobody else.

The maids have gone to their homes, the gardeners have been told not to come. The traditional home-delivery vegetable and fish vendors – the pushcart man, the woman with the basket of vegetables on her head, the fish-vendor man who comes in the carriage-auto ( we call them petti-auto), the fish-vendor woman, again with the basket of fish, all have gone home. The distinctive horns, bells, hoots, shouts, calls have all stopped. Missing are those mornings when they come and we haggle with them, poor people. Its not as if we don’t know that they live by it, but we all have our opinions made about each one of them. “That Mary!, everytime she gives us the worst fish she has, let her come tomorrow !”. It’s like that. We know they don’t always give us the best of their stuff, but there was always a tomorrow, for them, and for us.

The Covid19 killed it all, atleast for now, and we don’t know for how long. We have been following the statistics that speak of how many people, world over, has been affected with the disease. For the record, at this point it is 685,782 cases affected by the SARS-CoV2 virus, and a frightening 32,239 deaths. But how many have been affected by the lock down to contain the virus? Statistics say it is atleast 25% of global population, with the worst in India, China, US, France, UK, Italy, South Africa, Columbia, Spain and Argentina having been impacted with a full lock down or a partial lock down. Everybody has been asked to “Stay at Home”. Again, for how long, we don't know.

When my mother sent her maid away, she had this worried look. My mother assured her not to worry and that her salary will not be cut. She also gave her some money to tide over the crisis. After all both her sons and their family will not be paid, as they are contractual workers. Before leaving, the maid asked, “Amma, but who will make food for Nair sir ?”. Nair sir, was this neighbour, down the lane, who was old and alone, for whom she cooked everyday and cleaned the house. His son was in the US and the daughter in Canada, and he had lost his wife a few years ago. Five days back, the maid cooked food for a couple of days, packed it all into the fridge, and left. Because he lives in the city, my mother believes he would order food through one of those apps and survive. I do not know whether he regrets this condition or whether he misses a family. His only recreation, a walk up the lane and into the main road, some gossip with more of his peer, has all been stopped with the “Stay at Home” order. His children do call most days and ensure he is fine.

In the last few decades, since the 1980’s, there was this trend, atleast in the urban centres...when we pushed all our children into a globalised world or it took them all away from us. I remember my family also encouraging me to follow the peer, and go to some prospective land, at that time, the Middle-east or the USA. I remember that strange fear that caught me and how emphatically I resisted the prospect. I refused to leave home. They call it Xenophobia. I deny the accusation. Loneliness frightens me, living away from family is unthinkable. But wasn’t it natural ? Now, I see so many of my parent’s contemporaries live the lonely life. Some escape the solitary life with their attitude, many turn recluse.

The “Stay at Home” for close-knit loving families, with some assured salaries or good bank savings is re-connect time, with all the Covid19 induced cautions. For those without assured salaries, and are in some business or service sector that has to work everyday for the money to come in, there is some worry. But many are taking their time to be with the family and reconnect, sometimes with their disturbed relationships. After all, life in the past so many years has not been smooth, with never a moment off for love or care. As a friend who I spoke to said “Many of us haven’t even looked at each other as we used to, way back, when we started life together”. Its mending time for all of us.

But then there are families who are having a hellish time staying together, forced by the order of the lock down - “Stay at home”, is a scream on their heads. These are those whose lives took a dive down, and relationships have become irreparable. As an instance, here was a family whose friend spoke to me. He intervened as a psychiatrist. The father, mother and daughter don’t see eye to eye and the way they cope is to use the home, literally as a lodge, if you understand what I mean to say. Now, they are all at home, together, 24 hours and for 21 days. That is nightmare, but the friend of mine believes this is also an opportunity to start introspecting, relate with each other and mend. But then “they have three separate bedrooms, three mobile phones and their own worlds”. The three are waiting for the parole, literally, to get out of each other.

‘Ubuntu’ is now known to most of us. It has many meanings with the most often quoted being “I am, because you are”. Its an assertion of dependence as against independence, of cooperation as against the individual. We see a lot of Ubuntu in the tribal communities, and even in some farming communities and so less of it in modern developed ones. I believe modern developed societies are as human and need to relate to so many things around, and more so with their own kith and kin, in a deeply dependent manner. If Covid19 can make it happen, so be it !

“You are always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past.”

- Richard Bach