Day #9 (2 April 2020)
“The Virus isn’t fair to the old, neither are we !”
I have a rather very difficult question to ask today.
How many of us will be taken care of by our children, when we get old ? Since I crossed 50, which could be described as the youth of the old age, it should not be surprising that I start to think about it. Years are outrunning us like never before ! As many parents of my generation, we have one child, the pragmatic ones have two, three is usually for doctrinal reasons or due to sheer accident ! More than that, and you are probably from a Jurassic era!
With just one child, I am wondering how, in a surely uncertain future, he will be able to look after us, when we grow old. My generation, the ones with parents who are in their 80’s, are going through an ordeal, which we never imagined would ever happen. Our parents, who brought us up as very caring and resourceful people, also never thought they would end up missing their children, or for that matter somebody, who could take care of them.
My friend’s father passed away last week, after a brief illness. He wasn’t doing very well for a few years. The friend, who was very close to his father, is settled in the US and their family could not make it to do his last rites. Fortunately, his sister works here. The restrictions due to Covid19 deprived him of seeing his fathers mortal remains. He used to come every year and sometimes twice to visit his father, especially in the last few years. We studied together in college, and I remember how dotting a father he was to my friend. But then those were times when many of our generation saw a new wave of opportunities, grew our aspirations, left this land, moved on to study, work and eventually settle down in various nations across the world – some in the US, some in Canada, Australia, UAE and so on. And in almost all the cases where my peers moved out, there was always a father who encouraged them to do so.
CKP (name changed!) is in his 80’s and so is his wife. Both of them were academicians of renown and had made their name as great teachers and mentors of thousands of students. After retirement he continued to teach students, training them for a professional career, and as one of his family members tell me – he encouraged so many of his students to pursue higher education, job and life abroad. They have two children, both doing very well and settled with their families in two different states in the US. As age caught up, he became almost bed ridden with serious multiple ailments and his wife suffers from the beginning stages of a serious illness. They come from a very illustrious and well to do family. Today, the only help they have is a maid who comes home to cook, wash, clean and generally take care of them. Both their children are very loving and are not at all happy leaving their parents to be orphaned like this. But they are literally helpless. Their job, the children’s education, the conveniences that life in a developed nation offers cannot be traded off so easily. Infact, even the father would not allow that to happen. But I heard that in some moments of despair, they regret having sent both of them abroad. “Have they said they regret it?”, I wanted to know. This relative of theirs said, “Yes, though they would never tell it to their children”. With the Covid19 lock down, the maid left and both of them are isolated and totally orphaned. And their loving children can do nothing about it !
What is my point ?
Covid19 seems to look like a game-changer.
For one, the disease is affecting more elderly people, the highest percentage being of people of 80 and above, followed by people between 70 and 80 years of age. Available statistics and analysis is showing us different numbers, but the trends are the same. There is fear in the air ! The World Health Organisation (WHO) and all medical advisories of nations have asked for complete isolation of the elderly. Older people are at higher risk for severe illness from COVID-19. They are also under severe stress due to fear and anxiety about the pandemic. The old, especially the orphaned are the worst victims of the Covid19 attack.
Covid19 is also a ruthless leveller. It has done more damage in some of the most developed nations, than in developing nations, and in the process, exposed the inadequacy and incompetency of the health and welfare systems in these nations. It has also exposed how abysmally disorganised are their societies, relationships and even the economy. It has suddenly made everybody vulnerable. I listened to families who were wanting to come back home because, all of a sudden, as a society, home seems to have more sense to be in, than in an economy that puts a price on everything, and anything, and still messes it all up.
It is 5 days since I saw my parents. We are also locked down here. They are just 10 kms away, and the roads are blocked, most time. I still managed to find a less charted route to reach them and ensure they are all fine. I would have to do that every 5 days at least. My father who has a heart problem, and my mother who is a cancer survivor needs us, especially at these times. I can imagine how torturous it is for those who are tens and thousands of kilometres away !
Now, to answer my difficult question – I would wish that every parent, when they get old, would have atleast a young one in the family, who could take care of them; someone who would decide to live with them or near them, and make a living out of whatever opportunities that are here, some one whose aspirations have a root in the homeland.
There are others who give us an alternative – Why not an old-age home or an assisted-living centre? I only have this to tell them -
“The Virus isn’t fair to the old, neither are we !”
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